I had big plans for motherhood. Big, VERY SPECIFIC, plans. I was going to have natural births for 2-4 children. I was going to stay at home and be the make everything from scratch, cloth diapering, breastfeeding, earth mother that happily jumps at the chance to go on play dates or attend every school field trip. I was going to blog and cook and take photos in my “free” time.
As it turns out, my plans for motherhood are absolutely attainable…for someone who is not me. I had no idea that it would take years and years to have my first child. I had no idea that when I finally got what I wanted and became a mother, that I would still have dreams of owning my own business, spending time with adults and working my ass off for very little payoff and I would absolutely LOVE doing it. I had no idea that my body would struggle to and ultimate fail at breastfeeding after just a few months for each babe. I had no idea that these tiny people would genetically inherit traits about myself that I am not proud of and have a hard time looking at. I had no idea that this would cause me to have to fight every day not to smack their little faces (the struggle is real and I am winning 99% of the time). I had no idea that I would have to walk away to prevent such transgressions, instead of calmly discussing their poor behaviour with them in a way that they would understand. I had no idea how much I would love and appreciate daycare.
I absolutely had no idea how many obstacles I would face in my path and that I would have to alter my plans to meet the needs and personalities of my children, my husband and myself. I am STILL daily, unsure of how I will continue to handle working from home and being the parent that I now want to be. Every day is different, every week, month and year is different. All of us are changing and growing as a family. More often than not, this is difficult.
I will say this to anyone who is considering parenthood at any point: You’ll never TRULY know if you can handle anything that come your way, until your toddler goes down for a nap, takes off a clean diaper and proceeds to have diarrhea while walking around his room and then plays in it. You will never know what you need to do when you see @#%$ all over the walls, carpet, bedding, bed frame, curtains and armchair…and then him tell you about the “Poop in my mouth” while smiling from ear to ear. Likely, here is what will happen:
?? You WON’T cry
?? You WON’T scream
?? You WILL run a bath, throw that kid in there and tear apart everything in that room to sanitize
?? You WILL pour yourself a drink for yourself at 10am on a Sunday
?? You WILL decide potty training begins tomorrow.
The struggle is real people, but now you know you can handle anything.